Berlin with MAD

End March 2012 I went to Berlin with my fellow students, partly to visit school-related things, partly to party and partly to visit my sister.

These are the photos: 

Mess.

"Sometimes I lay down in the middle of my messy room and let the mess of my life wash over me. Wave by wave; school, friends… photography, love… myself, oh myself… woosh, a wave crashes and I’m completely drowning and choking in the mess I made of myself."

(Photo: June 29, 2012 / Writing: November 2011)
Still relevant.

Battled.: "Behind the Scenes!"

Seriously, this is what happened when I had to use paint for school and I had lots of white left on the plate and I put it on my nose, and then my cheeks and then my remote was covered in paint, oops, and I tried not to make my camera dirty, and I think I succeeded haha. It was so much fun, and then I walked around the house with my face like this for a bit, and oh don't forget that my hands were completely covered in paint as well, haha, until I got my hat out, I did wash it all off before touching my hat :)

Battled.

Quite different from my usual, but I do like them, and each for a different reason.

Formspring question:

Do you think taking self-portraits requires a lot of confidence?I recently got intrested in taking them, but I really lack the courage to just step out in front of the camera. Or would you consider yourself brave for taking all your selfies?

I honestly don't have that much confidence (at least not all the time), so no, it doesn't require confidence. I think it's more trust or belief, in that it's okay to show yourself and your feelings. I sometimes get the compliment that I'm brave for taking (and showing) self portraits because they're so personal and show a lot of myself (emotionally), also (and often) in vulnerable state. I don't often think about it like that because this is the way I express myself and I would probably burst if I didn't do it.
Just try it, with enough practice you'll get more comfortable. You can start small, maybe not showing your face at first, or just showing a body part you're comfortable with. And of course, you can keep the results to yourself and just start as small as you like until you feel more comfortable.
I realize now I never really had this problem, because I started photography almost solely because of Lara Jade's, Victoria Sims' and some other girls I don't know their names of, selfportraits, because I really wanted to express myself the way they did.

Ask me anything

Project 366 and life updates

I know there has been a bit of radio silence from me since December, and I've gotten messages from people telling me they miss my photos, and as my last post was a formspring question; someone likes to see more blog posts. This is a personal kinda blog post to tell you what's been going on.

David Allen's "Getting Things Done" arrived today. It's book #3 in my "stop procrastinating, start being organized" plan. It's no secret I'm behind on uploading my 366. For a long time I did still take photos, the past couple of weeks, I barely did. I still want to finish it, but maybe not with a photo a day. Not because I don't have the time, I could do it. Right now, I'm uninspired and unsatisfied with what I do. My views have changed a lot in the mean time, the way I live my life and the way I want to live my life have changed. I have to go looking for what I want again, what kind of style I want, which stories I want to tell with my photography. Project 366 is a great way to practice, but I feel I've come to a point where I have to be more picky with my work, and put more effort into it.
One of the reasons I put off uploading was because I didn't like the photos. I will not upload the ones I really dislike anymore. I will upload the ones I like, but don't love, because I hope to get constructive criticism on them, and because I do like a slight overview of what I do. But I won't upload everything anymore, which will also mean the uploading will go slightly faster because there's a bit less choosing and editing to do.
I numbered the days in my diary, so each number will be accurate, but there will be numbers missing.
May 23 will still be day 366, I just won't have a photo for each day.

Besides that, I need to get my personal website in order and create an actual portfolio. And I want to shoot more models but that still scares me. My high school friends had accepted that I take photos of them, and that I'd like them as models from time to time, my new friends still have to get used to it and it makes me anxious. Funny how I still get so insecure about my photos when I want to ask someone to pose for me. Main reason I really need to do more shoots with models.

These past months have been a lot of soul searching and focus on self-development. The first half of 2011 wasn't a good year for me and I've felt horribly lost and alone. The second half went a whole lot better as I found my place again. 2012 is all about getting happier about who I am and what I do. Getting behind on uploading is not one of the things I wanted to do, but just happened and I'm sorry for that. There's no real excuse for it. I just hope you will stick with me while I'm on this journey of finding out who I am and what I want. I appreciate every contact add, follow, comment, fave, like on facebook, reblog on tumblr... everything. And I will get it all in order. Just give me time to change my habits and catch up with my massive to do list. I want to do everything and preferably all at once but I know that doesn't really work so I have to prioritize and school is still my priority. But photography has been, is and always will be immensely important to me. I will get up to date and I will keep taking photos. Step by step... okay?

This is a bit of a ramble, but I just thought you all deserved some explanation.
Thank you all so much, you're all amazing ♥

Love,
Noukka

more post on your blogspot please :D

Will do soon! :) There's a Berlin one coming up, and just a general one about my life I guess :)

Ask me anything

Twilight dreams

From a while back.

Wanderlust

I like my comfy room, with my warm bed and secured internet. I like knowing I’m safe. I often found change scary, and I’d rather spend the day with a good book on the couch. But now….
I miss discovering new places, meeting new people. I miss feeling at home, because you feel comfortable. Feeling comfortable at places you’ve never been before. I miss that anxious feeling of “oh god where am I now?”, simply to find out you’re fine, and you will be fine. I miss walking around and everything is new. I miss having a good book as good company in a place I haven’t been before. I miss sitting in a cafe with a warm cup of coffee, looking out the window, and the view is something you haven’t seen before. I miss new things, I miss the adventure. I miss the satisfactory feeling of “Today, I was alive. I felt alive. I’ve lived for today. Let’s do the same tomorrow.”
Too much routine scares me, too much safety bores me. The world is fascinating and I want to live in it, discover new things every day. There’s so much life left to live, yet so little time.
(And somewhere in the back of my mind, I know, every day is a new day with new things, you don’t need to travel to see new people. But I’m so curious of what’s out there. There, on the other side of the country, continent, world. Everywhere. Oh, everywhere and everyone.) 

Face away from the sun

Listen:

And watch :)